Gordon in the morning: Able was I, ere I saw Elba's hat

Remember that moment when Liam Gallagher tried to pinch Idris Elba's hat at the NME awards? Of course not, because it was two bored men at a minor awards ceremony, and even had you been that interested, Elba retelling the story a couple of months ago would have sated that interest.

Or we could talk about it some more. This morning, Gordon reveals Liam's side of the story.

I'm using "story" in a way that crackles with irony, by the way.

Talking about it for the first time, Liam said...

Yes, breaking his silence on the hat story after all this time. It's like getting cabinet papers from the Second World War released, isn't it?

Talking about it for the first time, Liam said: “I didn’t steal Idris’s hat, or grab it.

“I don’t go grabbing anyone. He messed my f***ing hair up, so I pulled his hat off and booted it across the room, and that’s it.”

You'll note the delicacy of language here - most people might think that taking someone's hat by pulling it off was grabbing it and stealing it, but apparently not. Somehow Liam was able to pull the hat without grabbing it; somehow he was able to take it from Elba without his permission, but without stealing it.

Maybe this is why Gordon thinks we're in any way interested in this tale, given that it appears to have rewritten the laws of physics and the physics of the law.

“You don’t touch a man’s haircut, man, especially if you’ve got a red bobbly hat on. So let’s get that one straight. He f***ed my hair up — so the hat got it."

I know that Gordon promised Justice Leveson he checks and checks again his work, so I really hope that he read that quote back to Gallagher before committing it to print.

But was Gallagher foolish to take on Elba?

When asked if he was intimidated by Idris’s considerable bulk, Liam added: “I don’t give a f***. I didn’t know who he was.

“I still don’t know who he is and I don’t give a f*** who he is.

Hey, let's not laugh at Liam's lack of a grasp on popular culture. He has cultural references.

Liam added that Idris’s headgear reminded him of the daft woolly hat-wearing ITV soap character Benny Hawkins and said: “It’s not f***ing Crossroads, is it?”

Benny from Crossroads? There's one for the teenagers.

Benny's last appearance was 25 years ago, which I guess makes him more contemporary than Gallagher's music.

Given that he's brought him up, and it's more interesting than the bloody hat, let's end with this, shall we?