Gordon in the morning: Is Jackson giving an exclusive to the Mirror or something?

After a couple of weeks patting Michael Jackson on the head and treating him he like he was still the 1983 version of Michael Jackson, there's something of a surprising change of tone in Bizarre this morning. The news that Jackson has (supposedly) invited the cast of Harry Potter backstage gets a headline treatment:

Harry Potter And The Moonwalking Oddball

And, all of a sudden, Gordon's remembered that Jackson isn't the King Of Pop, but That Bloke Who Is Overfond Of Kiddies:

MICHAEL JACKSON has invited the young stars of the Harry Potter films to be access all areas guests at the opening night of his sellout summer shows.

Aren’t they a bit old for him?
[...]
But the three stars — who play Harry, Hermione and Ron — can leave their Nimbus 2000s at Hogwarts for a night on the Jesus Juice with Pop King Jacko.

They won’t even need to take Hagrid along to keep an eye on them now that they are all over 18.
[...]
He has always had an eye for a young acting star.

Nudge, nudge.

Not that Gordon is quite ready to march on the Millennium Dome with burning torches:

I’m still in two minds about Jacko’s return.

My gran — at 82-years-young — is more nimble than he is, although her moonwalk needs some work.

If he is fit enough to perform then the gigs will be the most memorable the O2 has seen since LED ZEPPELIN reformed for a one-off special last year.

But if I had a ticket for any night after the tenth date I’d have a letter ready asking for a refund... just in case.

Oh no... did he just say "82 years young"? Like he's a heartwarming amateur columnist on a local freesheet, or the morning host on a Gold station?

Gordon has got some bang-up-to-the-minute news, though, with his first sort-of Twitter story:

SCREEN beauty JENNIFER ANISTON dumped her boyfriend because he couldn’t keep his hands off Twitter, her pals revealed last night.

Rocker JOHN MAYER said he was too busy to return calls while Jennifer was away promoting her new film.

But Friends star Jen spotted he was updating his page of the networking site instead.

Although since Twittering is one of the ways artists help nurture their fanbase, isn't that like Mayer dropping Aniston for spending too much time acting?

Still, at least there's no danger of anyone dumping Goagsieman for over-enthusiastic updating of his Twitter stream.